“For those who are grieving and hurting: I fully agree that these stages exist but I’ve found that there is an 8th stage. Let me share my journey through grief and maybe help someone through theirs.”
On December 28th, 2014 we saw my Mother’s X-ray where over half of her right lung was a tumor. A tumor that had grown so big that it had broken 2 of her ribs. I then experienced the first stage shock! I then started Bargaining with God regarding my Mother’s outcomes. I kept praying “Lord, let your will be done” but what I really meant was let my will be done and heal her. Closer to the end of her life I went through denial. I didn’t want to give up. We sought out every possible solution. Then… on June 25th, 2015 I woke up to find my Mother lying lifeless beside me. God had called her home in the middle of the night. I of course went through shock again. My experience with denial was very brief but right after the shock of her death I went through denial. Mostly while we we planning her funeral and the three days leading up to it. After we laid her body to rest three days later, I started my long-term relationship with depression. That stage lasted the longest for me. Later came anger. Towards everything. I was angry at God, angry at life in general and just wasn’t happy. I couldn’t fathom happiness living in a world where my mother no longer existed. Fearing that she would altogether be forgotten. ?? Then… I believe God knew my pain and started testing me. I started to seek out answers. Ways to feel better and enjoy life again. Luckily, I chose to do this by strengthening my relationship with God instead of choosing alcohol, drugs, sex, etc as some do. It was through my seeking, the relationship that I was building with God and watching my own babies get saved & Baptized that I was able to achieve the stage of acceptance. Now I’m not saying that I won’t have bad days and that I will never miss my Mother again. I’m simply saying that I understand God’s plan. I am no longer angry with him and I know my Mother is in a better place, no longer hurting and I fully believe that I will see her again one sweet day!
I’d like to add an 8th stage of grief: Peace. This is the stage where you find joy, happiness and contentment again. No offense to Mrs. Ross but as you can see, I didn’t experience these stages consecutively. I’ve also experienced some of them more than once. Some of them have lasted longer than others. I believe it is a lifelong battle after you suffer such a loss. To all of those that are hurting and grieving, I hope my story helped you today. I’m here if you need someone!
Her name was Sonya Saeger. She was Chandler’s mom. The story is from Chandler’s half sister Jessica who lives in Alabama.